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She wrote her address down “See you shortly after ten and thank you so much”. When she arrived home it was just gone 8pm, everything was ready for her trip so she got her car documents out and then headed for the bath taking a nice large red wine with her. The bath was so relaxing, she got out and was tempted to just put her dressing gown on but decided to throw some jeans and a t shirt on as the policeman was coming back later. She let her long black curly hair dry naturally. Sarah was a very attractive 32 year old woman, with her mother’s Spanish olive skin and dark hair and her father’s lovely blue eyes. She was watching TV and relaxing with her second glass of wine, when the door bell went. She went to answer it and the policeman was there. “Please come in”. He was out of uniform and she noticed for first time his very fit body, and his brown hair and big brown eyes. “Would you like a drink? Wine or coffee or anything?” Sarah asked. “Wine would be great thanks”, he replied. I got one paragraph written. I dropped my bombshell, though, and that was good. I have never told anyone. I hereby confess to everyone now, anyone who reads this account. No one will ever, ever read this account.I don't mean to be flip. This truly is a horrendous situation. Difficult beyond all imagining for a mother, woman, daughter, companion. It is amazing that I haven't lost my mind the way I lost my moral compass in the last 10 months. How effing fragile I've become. How unable to explain why I continue to do this week after week, with no end in sight. People kill themselves over things like this. I wanted to, that first night especially, as the true horror of the situation enveloped me like a death shroud. That's where this account starts: the worst moment of my life. That split second in time that Jonathan had prayed for since the age of eleven, and never believed would come. It was the moment he reached orgasm and ejaculated into his mother's vagina.There, I said it. So much.
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